Virtual Stag!

A few guys organized a virtual stag party in Krakow. They got themselves suitably oiled and dived into their little box of stag party outfits. One dressed as Superman, the other as Batman and the heroes departed on a mission to Jupiter. Mission accomplished, the lads set off back to earth, punching their way through outer space at speeds that are truly unbelievable.

Approaching earth from a distance of almost 400,000 miles can be a bit boring, even for super heroes. So Batman opened a conversation:

“Tell me, Superman, has anything unusual happened to you recently?”

“Well” he answered, “I had a cool weekend in Krakow, recently.

“Anything more interesting?” A bored Batman!

Superman, in his beautifully modulated baritone answers: “Why yes! Two weeks ago I had to go to Mars to check out the landing site for the next NASA mission. On the way back I decided to see London and diverted my flight over that city. It was warm and sunny and I had a clear view over the town. When I looked at the Post Office Tower, I couldn’t believe my super vision. Right at the top of the building was Wonderwoman. As naked as a naked woman could possibly be! She was sunbathing and writhing around in great pleasure. And  her legs were open in invitation.

“I thought about it for a few seconds before deciding what to do. I reached behind myself and lowered my blue tights revealing the old blue vein. Making momentary adjustments to the trim and yaw of my flight, I swooped in and shot straight into the gap between her legs!”

“My God” gasped an envious Batman. “She must have been surprised!”

“Too right!” replied Superman, “But not as half as the surprised as the Invisible Man was!!!!”

Never trust fancy dress too much since it can land you in the deepest, most invisible shit!

A stag party took off in Poland during the summer of 2008. There were 25 lads who decided to hire themselves some 4 wheelers while they were here. It was July and the temperature was around 35C (that’s about 95F in old money).The guys had a free day and found a spot on a mountain river where they did some skinny dipping. The stag got himself well-oiled on the duty free scotch they’d bought for the occasion and duly passed out. Some time that afternoon, one of the drivers announced his intentions of getting back to Krakow since they had a strip dinner and pub crawl organized.

They bundled the sleeping, naked Michael into a car, and set off in convoy for Krakow. On the way there, Dan the driver had a brainwave and asked Mike if he wanted a slash. Mike mumbled that he did and Dan duly stopped, gave Mike a nudge, and pointed to a tree against which he was supposed to take a piss. Mike fell out of the off-roader and leant against the tree to do what he most wanted. By the time he’d finished, Dan had driven about 50 meters away, leaving the swaying stag alone.

When Mike looked round, he saw about 200 picnickers with kids and dogs all looking straight at his naked imperfections. Dan had seen a sign saying “National Park” and dropped his mate there for a slash. Never trust your friends!

A stag once fell foul of all the food and booze he’d consumed during a 72 hour stay in Krakow. The poor sod found a liking for bean soup during his stay and reckoned without the consequences. He was between dumps and feeling seriously bloated whilst attending a strip dinner in a private room at his hotel. He was seriously pissed but also a gentleman. So rather than give vent to his farts in the company of his mates, he reasoned that he could reasonably slip upstairs to his room and do the deed.

He drunkenly excused himself and left the group and got into the lift. He punched a few buttons and comforted himself that he would soon be sitting on his crapper and voiding his bowels. The lift stopped and he hopped out and staggered off in the direction of room 61. When he got there, he was a little irritated with himself and his room mates for not having locked the door. The apartment could have been burgled by anyone that tried the door.

He entered the room and immediately turned left into the bathroom. Somewhat groggily, he dropped his drawers, sat down and let rip with a fart that lasted about 10 seconds. He then took a dump and blew away his breakfast in Liverpool, 2 lunches and one dinner in Krakow, plus all the gas generated by about 24 beers consumed in two days. It was, I’m told, loud, stinky and disgusting!

Thus comforted, our man cleaned up, washed his hands and left the bathroom. As he went, he looked to the left and saw the head waitress, sitting on her bed and looking at him in total horror. Instead of room 1, in the 6^th floor, he’d found room 6 on the 1^st, the room reserved for overnight staff!

Did you hear the one about the guy on his wedding night that thought his wife was virgin territory?

After the wedding breakfast, the happy couple went to their hotel bedroom where the husband thought he’d be able to establish his dominance of sexual matters for the rest of his life. “Begin as you mean to continue”, he thought.

His wife shyly undressed her beautiful body while he gazed in admiration at the creamy white flesh, the perky nipples and all the goodies that were presented to him. Tearing his gaze from the neatly trimmed triangle of hair that had been revealed by the removal of her panties, he croaked “Would you like to see my penis?”

She answered “What’s a penis?”

He smiled and removed his Kalvin Kleins to reveal his erection!

“This is a penis” he said whilst pointing to his throbbing member.

“Oh!’ came her unenthusiastic reply. “It’s like a cock but smaller…”