So, my readers may have noticed that the lads from Party Krakow actually aspire to a good and cultured life. Whilst it’s true that Dawid has never nose-dived into a Handel concerto (Philip does so on a weekly basis), both lads have links with culture. Phil likes classical music, theatre, cinema, playing the piano, reading and writing, walking in the countryside, literature, sculpture, cooking and fine wines, Dave likes girls, beer and kick boxing.

The partners of the best stag outfit in the world have worked extremely hard, not only to produce Krakow’s best stag parties, but also to guarantee survival during the marriages of our clients.

Here are some post-stag party survival tips.

When our Krakow stag boy gets back to Britain, two options will await him:

• Cold shoulder and chops (to be avoided) OR
• A morning blow job followed by melt in the mouth, delicate pastries filled with a variety of succulent fruits and other ingredients. (highly recommended)

Either way, the honourable stag has to resist these delights, get of his arse into gear and get to work. Here is what he has to do:

Dealing with the first option is the easiest:

Cold shoulder and chops: The First Trick

1. Get out of bed and fart like hell
2. Don’t apologise
3. Turn on the stereo and put on the Rolling Stones “It’s all over now”
4. Make yourself tea or coffee and drink it
5. Leave without saying “goodbye” having smoked a Marlboro in the sitting room with the windows closed

The Second Trick

The second is a bit more interesting:

1. Leave the bed without farting having gently declined the offer of a blow job. Go to the stereo and put on something bright, light and gentle – Mozart’s flute and harp concerto is ideal. Go to the bathroom and fart like hell, but only after the delicate sounds of Mozart are there to disguise your anal rumblings. Use air-freshener. (Lots)
2. Go to the kitchen and boil water (use the kettle)
3. Beat some eggs till smooth and add a little fresh cream, ground black pepper and salt. Continue to beat till frothy.
4. Put some bread in the toaster. Bread is normally white or brown in colour and is covered by a crust. It’s usually found in the “bread bin”. You may have to slice it first, using a knife.
5. Take some butter from the fridge and add it to a medium saucepan and set it on low heat. Keep the butter out because you will need it for the toast.
6. Dive into the fridge and bring out the smoked salmon you bought on the way home the night before. If you didn’t buy it the night before, you are fucked! Go back to the first trick.
7. When the toast is cooked (it jumps up in front of you when it is), remove it from the machine taking care not to burn your foreskin or fingers. Spread the toast with some butter.
8. Remove the salmon from its wrapper and carefully divide it into the slices that are there in front of you. Place them on 2 serving plates, having first covered them liberally with beluga caviar before rolling them up. If you’ve forgotten the caviar, you’re fucked! Go back to the first trick.
9. Add the egg mixture to the pan with the hot butter and whisk it till cooked.
10. Remove the bottle of Dom Perignon  that you hid in the bottom of the fridge the previous night, quietly de-cork it and place the bottle, with two chilled glasses on a serving tray. Place the juice of the fresh Seville oranges you’ve just squeezed into a chilled crystal jug. If you’ve forgotten the Dom Perignon, you’re fucked. Go back to the first trick.
11. Place everything on the plates on large serving trays. Go back to the bedroom and deliver the breakfast to the sleepy person that you shared the bed with the night before. Offer her the breakfast. If you spill anything from the tray, you’re fucked. Go back to the first trick.
12. Serve this with either tea or coffee, depending on preferences.
13. If this is not the usual woman you wake up with, you’re fucked. Go back to the first trick
14. If your partner is not satisfied, you are not completely fucked. Get the hell out of there and then follow this link: www.partykrakow.com and find the best way to get back to Krakow.

Check the below text to find out what you should avoid when planning a stag weekend in Krakow

1. “I can book it later with no stress- booking stag do activities and accommodation shouldn’t be a problem for a good stag operator?” - WRONG !!Don’t leave it till the last moment !Good travel agencies always block-book their central accommodation objects for high season dates. The problem is that the pool of central accommodation objects is limited and the places sell really fast. So in other words- if you book it advance (at least 2 months before) you will most likely get an excellent central location at great rates. Booking in less than 2 months prior to the planned beginning of your Krakow stag weekend doesn’t mean you won’t get central accommodation- it just means the best objects might and will probably already be sold out by that time. Also convenient stag activity times can already be taken if you wait till the last moment.
2. “I will not let those greedy bastards earn on me and will book accommodation on my own. “ - WRONG!!

   For the best prices, always book an accommodation package for your stag weekend abroad. Nobody knows why, but some people think that if they book accommodation on their own they will save a lot! This is completely untrue. Good travel agents/ operators, especially local stag/tour operators (UK based companies are mostly agents and they don’t negotiate with hotels and activity suppliers directly but use local organizers to outsource their clients) get the same or even better rates than the booking portals and will give you those rates provided you book some other services with them (airport transfers, pub crawls, lap clubs entries, etc…). Besides- activities only rates are never as attractive as the rates which you would get when booking a complete stag weekend package with accommodation. Most good operators can discount your stag do activity rates when you take accommodation package with them (or at least in Partykrakow we do!!).

3. “I want to book my Krakow stag weekend cheaply with a UK based company.” - WRONG!!

   Don’t buy with the largest UK stag operators unless you are really rich !! OK, they are probably ATOL, ABTA and whatever accredited… even if you know what those abbreviations mean you should also know that if they go bust you will not claim back all the funds that you have paid but only a part of them! Also the profit margin which those agencies put on local agent’s prices is often equal to 50% of your trip value or even more. Sounds unlikely? Well, we still can’t believe that they charge so much commission on top of the prices they pay. But it’s true! Besides, good local operators usually require only a part of total payment in advance- the rest is payable after your safe arrival in Krakow and the cancellation fees (for example for late drop outs) are far less severe then with any UK agents.

4. “I found it even cheaper than I expected- let’s go for it- the guy has a web and can even speak English” - VERY WRONG!!

   Never use or attempt to use virtual companies who advertise unrealistic prices! OK, this sounds complicated, so how can you judge if a local operator is trustworthy or not ..?

   Well, you can try the following steps:

   • Google it. Reputable local stag operators are well positioned on Google and always on the first page- they don’t pay for Adwords but are positioned in an organic way. This kind of investment is not only time consuming (sometimes lasting years to achieve a good position in the search engine on phrases like: stag weekend Krakow, stag do Krakow, stag activities Krakow) but also quite expensive. Think about it- if a local operator pays thousands of Pounds for his web development over many years so that it is well positioned, then he must be seriously into business and it’s extremely unlikely he would grab your money and disappear!
   • Ask your friends if they have heard about a specific operator
   • Check online testimonials - good operators publish testimonials of their stag groups with photos which they are permitted to use
   • Check how fast your local organizer responds to your calls/mails - a good company answers phones immediately or calls you back if the line was busy when you called. Also emails are answered within 24h at the latest.
   • Web site look – not only graphics but also texts. A company doesn’t have to be run by a British person (though it certainly feels more comfortable when it is) but the writing on the web should be written in proper English. Why? Because it reflects the attitude of the people with whom you book your stag weekend or stag do activities, and also whether they are perfectionists in all aspects of services which they provide or they simply don’t give a fu@ and just want to sell you something. If the texts are badly written, this may also indicate that they are so broke that they can’t even afford to pay for proper English translations!
   • Prices – compare prices between local stag weekends operators - they are all pretty similar but still around a certain value. If you find them elsewhere drastically cheaper, then it’s likely it’s a con artist rather than a reputable operator, especially when its web is not positioned on Google and it has been operating for a very short time (if you’re more computer literate you can check how long a web has been operating). Why? Well, if the company is new in the market, it will not be getting the same good rates from activity suppliers as established stag operators who bring a lot of traffic to local activity suppliers. No one gives away discounts for free or for “good looks” and you have to earn them first. So how can a new company offer much better rates if its costs for the same services are usually much higher?!
5. ” I can book my flights even a few days before the gig so why bother now” ? ? – WRONG!!

   Never leave your flight bookings longer than 3 months before travelling- unless, that is, you are very rich and don’t mind paying whatever it costs for your flights to Krakow.

6. “They have asked me for my personal phone number but I don’t think it’s necessary? who knows- maybe they want to have it in order to call me later on with new sales offers.?” - WRONG!!

   Don’t be afraid to leave contact phone numbers with your local operator for your own safety ! If you get lost and for example run out of call credits, your operator will try to contact you- or at least we do in Partykrakow; hence we provide a 24h emergency line for your safety. Also we advise you to keep contact numbers of your local operator’s senior staff with you at all times- you might need them in case of emergency or even if you just want to tell your guide that you?re gonna be late ! P.S.- we will never use your number for sales purposes as we are against hard sales policy!

   
   

7. ” I’m in a foreign city- I will take my passport on a pub crawl in case I need it for some reason…” - WRONG!!Don’t fail to advise travellers not to carry their passports unless they need them.Carry a photocopy of the page with photo but leave the original in the safe of your accommodation. Losing a passport on the town during your stag weekend in Krakow can prolong your stay in Krakow for quite a few days and will result in an unavoidable trip to Warsaw (as there are no British or Irish embassies in Krakow) and will cost you a lot of nerve and money !
8. ” Healthcare ? Insurance- who cares and what for “!? - VERY WRONG!!

   Don’t fail to advise your group to obtain E111/EHIC certificates and carry copies.In case of an accident, this small piece of blue paper will entitle you to free medical services in Poland. Buying additional sports insurance would also be a very good idea, especially if you plan to take some sporting stag activities which are often classified as “high-risk”. Of course you may rely on your activity supplier or tour operator being insured against accidents, but the truth is that the easiest way to get money from insurance without having to go to court is when you buy yourself travel insurance. It costs only a few Pounds so don’t be tight and don’t save on your own safety! Good health !

9. “I will ask the lads to pay their deposits later on.” - WRONG!!

   Don’t leave the deposits issue till the last minute! The sooner you collect money from members of your group and pay the security deposit to your travel agency, the less likely members of your group will be to drop out at the last moment. Besides if you pay deposit out of your own pocket, it might be the case that you will have to cover the cancellation fees out of your own pocket as well…
   
   

10. “They are cool and nice people- they don’t require any deposits and all this stuff- just want my credit card number for security issues.” – WRONG!!

    Never leave your credit card details with any travel agency.Reputable travel agencies use payment systems in which they have no direct access to your Credit Card details (Paypal , Worldpay, Barcalay’s, etc…). If somebody is asking you for your CC details then think it over!!

10 easy to remember bullet points on safety and bahaviour on Krakow stag do

Smart advice:

1. Leave wallets, cameras and other valuables at your accommodation unless you need them
2. Keep a photocopy of your passport with you at all times. Leave the original document somewhere safe
3. Keep the address of your accommodation with the contact numbers
4. Try to stay together as a group. If a member is too drunk to keep up with the crew, get him a taxi back to the base and try not to let him wander around. Our guides will handle this for you if they are attending a group
5. Don’t be tempted to make rude comments to the local, incredibly beautiful girls that live and work here. You probably don’t speak Polish, but they almost certainly speak English and will understand almost every word you say
6. Don’t take the rip out of the Catholic religion
7. Don’t behave in any way which is worse than you would in an English city
8. Local people are very friendly and helpful so don’t be afraid to ask advice
9. Don’t take the rip out of a uniformed police officer
10. English Sterling has a very high value in Poland but Scottish money exchanges at a lower rate. So bring English cash for exchange. Changing money in Poland is fast, simple and much cheaper than in UK. Use high street ‘kantors’ away from the main market and save a lot of money for a group. You get a good rate (but shop around and avoid the main square) and there are no commission

Regardless to the fact whether your gig is a stag party or a corporate event before you arrive to Krakow make sure you read it

• Changing Money. How about playing “Beat the Bank” ?? If you’re sick of getting ripped for commissions charged by greedy high street bankers every time you breathe and don’t fancy funding another crisis, then change your money here. In this exciting sport, 2 players – a buyer and a seller – meet in a licensed shop to get as much money from each other as possible at a meeting, based on rates displayed in the window. The result is always a draw with both players more than happy since there was no referee taking a rip off rake off. DO change your cash in Krakow – it’s safe, legal and saves a lot of hard earned money !
• Communication problems. Language a problem? Yes and no. Most younger generation Poles you see and meet will have at least a working knowledge of English whist a large number will speak it fluently as a second language. So try to keep comments about a girl’s best attractions polite because she will almost certainly know exactly what you’re saying about her. You might find this embarrassing when she turns round and answers you!
• Safety. DO feel safe in Krakow city centre. It’s pretty much a non stop party environment and there are always people about. Naturally, i’s a good idea to use your common sense and stay in a group. But don’t be afraid of problems unless you provoke them.
• Nightclubs. DON’T worry about the stag friendliness of the venues we book you into. These are on a list of regular establishments that welcome groups and can be trusted to provide good service with no hassle. DON’T turn up to nightclubs in jeans, T-shirts and or short trainers – you will be refused entry if you do.
• Ripping off the Brits in clubs ?. DO look at prices before you order something. Beer and vodka are the staples of a good stag night and are very cheap but wines and spirits, particularly imported ones, are as expensive here as anywhere else. So always enquire about prices before ordering champagne and caviar for a group of 16 guys who have just spent the last few hours enjoying the local ale.
• Thefts. DO leave your cameras, wallets, passports etc in a safe place in your accommodation unless you need them. It’s a good idea to keep a photocopy of the main page of your passport with you however. Most times that something goes missing, it is more often a question of loss than theft. So why take chances with something valuable when setting out on a long, boozy and varied night out?
• Faithful respect. Poland is a Catholic country and the spiritual side of life is taken very seriously here. This doesn’t stop Polish people from enjoying life however! So under no circumstances be tempted to parody or otherwise take the rip out of the religion here. It is very offensive and might lead to problems. Once a group of very civilized revellers asked advice about their intentions to use a Pope and Cardinals theme for their fancy dress wear. They were very understanding and didn?t take the risk! But DO leave religion out of it.
• Franky said. DON’T be afraid to relax and enjoy yourselves. Local people are usually open, friendly and very helpful if politely asked for assistance. The golden rule is “When in Rome do as the Romans do” but don’t throw commonsense to the lions !
• Scottish Notes. DON’T bring Scottish money since, for some unknown reason, it attracts a much lower rate of exchange than English. This shouldn’t be seen as a prejudice against our Scottish friends but please remember that English banknotes are more valuable than others from Britain.

One of the questions most frequently aksed concerns the safety of Krakow “Am I physically safe here”??

I’ve lived in this fantastic city for 9 years and my honest impression of it is that it is a very friendly place and much safer than any other popular holiday city. Krakow is a small city and the population of almost one million people is accounted for by the surrounding satellite towns that were added during the 1950s, courtesy of Uncle Joe Stalin.

Dave has done his homework in great detail, and the venues that you book through us are stag friendly, central to the city and extremely safe. In all our years of business, we have never had a provable case of theft or violent crime against any of our clients. And I hope that this continues to be the case. Occasionally, someone reports a nicked wallet but, more often than not, the wallet has been found and then returned to the owner.

Common sense is an international virtue.

• Look after your mates. Don’t let members of your group wander off when they’ve had a few too many. The effects of alcohol, travel and language difference can be very disorientating. Krakow is a beautiful city and very friendly but the narrow cobbled streets and number of quite similar doorways means that initially it’s a bit of a maze. If a lad wanders off and gets lost, there is a pretty good chance that the rest are in a cellar bar and out of range of telephone. He probably won’t remember the name of the place and will be lost. If you don’t notice it for some time, each of you thinking he?s with some other part of the group, then he will be very lost. So stick together and if someone needs the porcelain telephone and some rest, ask the guide to get call a taxi and get him to bed. Also, all of you should keep the address of your accommodation with you at all times so that you can show it to a taxi driver if you become isolated.
• Stay cool. Boys will be boys but try not to get too carried away. It might seem an incredible act of bravado to take a drunken slash against a church wall, but if you get caught, you’ll be sorry when you sober up. The local boys in blue have effectively military training and are very capable. You’ll be arrested without ceremony (and don’t try to resist – it won’t work and will make things far worse) and bundled off to the “drunk tank” and kept there until the police decide you are sober enough to leave. If this means that you miss your party and flight home, the police won’t show any sympathy at all. They can hold you for up to 48 hours and the minimum you will pay is 150 PLN per night. On the other hand, they’ll leave you alone unless you are doing something really daft.
• Peace of mind. In the unlikely event of an accident, you will be entitled to emergency medical treatment of a very high standard. There is a reciprocal arrangement between Poland and UK and this will be free if you are an EU member. You will need something like an E111 form or EU EHIC card which can be obtained online. It is not a substitute for travel insurance and would not cover you for anything other than emergency medical treatment. You should always carry one unless you have a private alternative.
• Drinking and driving. Don’t undertake any potentially dangerous sporting activities if under the influence of drink or drugs. That’s just inviting trouble. In any case, if suppliers of, for example, go-karting, paintballing or shooting judge you to be unsafe, you won’t be allowed to participate and your money will not be refunded.
• Know your limits. Try to stay within the city centre or Kazimierz district late at night. These are very safe but the outlying areas can be less predictable, especially if you are alone, well oiled and wearing the wrong football strip and singing a song in support of your own favourite UK team!
• Softly softly catchy monkey. Polish women are gorgeous and usually very friendly but not as “available” as their counterparts in some other European countries. They are also well educated and probably speak or understand English well, so please be careful what you say or suggest to them. It might be taken the wrong way.
• The right place. It is illegal to drink alcohol in a public place that is not licensed. This includes beer and a policeman might use it as an excuse to give you an on the spot fine. But don’t worry, there are literally hundreds of bars in the central area so you won’t have to walk far to get a cold one!
• Follow the highway code. A red light at a zebra crossing means that you may not cross. On the spot fines are quite high so try to avoid them, not least for your own safety. Some of the major junctions close to the centre are quite complicated with several roads crossing, along with trams from as many as 3 different directions. Also the traffic comes from the opposite direction to that which you are used to if you live in UK. They are dangerous so keep your wits about you and obey the lights. Don?t play roulette with you lives, health or cash!
• The key to success. Hotels and other accommodation providers normally supply only one key per room. So please make sure that one of you becomes the key holder on behalf of his room mates, and that he looks after it well. If one of guys should decide to leave the party and head for bed, make sure that he is given the key. Otherwise he might end up waiting outside on the pavement for the others if the apartments, for example, don’t have 24 hour reception service.
• Faithful respect. Poland is a Catholic country and the spiritual side of life is taken very seriously here. This doesn’t stop Polish people from enjoying life however! So under no circumstances be tempted to parody or otherwise take the rip out of the religion here. It is very offensive and might lead to problems. Once a group of very civilized revellers asked advice about their intentions to use a Pope and Cardinals theme for their fancy dress wear. They were very understanding and didn’t take the risk! But DO leave religion out of it.